SYBF Week 1 Wrap Up: Reframing Negative Self Talk
We did it - YOU did it! We are now 20% of the way through our challenge!
As we finish up this first week dedicated to reframing our negative self-talk, we take a moment to reflect on what we might have uncovered about ourselves and how we can use our inner voices to shape ourselves.
Important Reminder: Comment on this our first week’s challenge on the Negative Self-Talk blog post to connect with others on the journey and to be entered to receive one of two free professional coaching sessions at the end of our 5-weeks.
As the week wraps up, a few questions to help you reflect:
What activity or activities did you try this week, and what did you find out as you spent the week with them?
What surprised you about yourself?
If something different happened for you this week, what was it, and how did it come about? What was that like? What did you learn about yourself or others?
What might you want to continue to do or remember as you continue along the journey?
Liv’s Reflection
This week, I chose to practice the activity Facts Win the Day. I have used this a few times recently but haven’t felt that I was really able to use it effectively before.
I, too, struggle with negative self-talk (and its twin, Imposter Syndrome). When I say this out loud, people often seem surprised. But I am human, so yes, I also have these issues. No one else can see the invisible negative self-talk loop that plays in our heads, and how we appear to others is often different from how we actually feel or what we experience in our own messy brains.
For me, negative self-talk typically starts with a feeling in the “pit of my stomach.” It can range from small discomfort sitting at the base of my gut to feeling like my stomach is a rock tumbler turning a fist-sized stone. Eventually, if left unattended, this feeling converts to an endless loop of criticisms playing in my head.
During this week’s challenge, I made a point of identifying this indicator, the unease in my stomach, however small. Catching this early, before it gets too big, allows me to shift my focus more easily and begin to consider the facts of the situation. I had a situation this week in which doing this helped me to depersonalize and see an issue more fully. Through this exercise, I could see that a decision made by someone in a working group I am in, that at first glance seemed negative and I had interpreted was about me, might actually be more neutral or positive in the long run, and was quite clearly not really about me. This process helped me realize that this tense situation building over the last few months was not a result of MY actions or shortcomings.
In fact, with a more neutral point of view, I was able to give some counsel to the team leader. A few days later when things settled down a bit, the team leader thanked me later. She expressed that I had a “cooler head” in this situation and by being in that state I was able to recommend we ask a few fact-finding questions and hold on taking any “action” until we had more information, instead of filling in the blanks. By doing this, we did not add any additional “fuel to this fire” and allowed the issue at hand to stay manageable.
Of course, this did not happen magically after just one time of working with my negative self-talk. De-escalating myself through reframing my negative thoughts is something I have been practicing for a bit now. Because of this on-going practice, which isn’t always easy or pretty, I am getting better at it. In this case, as I used my strategies to calm my own brain, I began to shift toward more positive self-talk to something more like, “This situation doesn’t feel great. I wish it had a different result. And still, I did my best.”
You can see here that to support the reframing of the self-talk, I also used an affirmation. I was able to admit it was less than ideal, while still not unnecessarily beating myself up mentally. As the days go by, I have moved into yet another perspective on this issue: Maybe this is not the end of this particular story, and this person leaving the group is just one part of the story. This can only be known in the future.
Sneak Preview of Week 2
Next week, we shift gears a bit to study how humor is a tool to boost our brain health. Watch for your Sunday night email with all the goodies to get you ready for week two.
Thanks for being here, for being you, and for committing to taking control of your growth. You display your awesomeness just by showing up, and by being curious about how you might grow! Just by being here and engaging you are doing it!
Olivia’s Handwritten Signature