SYBF Week 1: Reframe Your Negative Self-Talk
Here we go - it’s the first official week of our Spring (Your Brain) Forward Challenge. This week we begin with a focus on identifying and reframing negative self-talk.
This first week, we’ll identify, engage with, and shape our negative self-talk. I know, I know. No one really wants to go down that proverbial dark rabbit hole. Confronting our inner demons, so to speak, sets the foundation for the remaining five weeks. And it’s just five minutes daily for five days—you can do this!
First, you’re not alone. Everyone experiences negative self-talk, with some variations in extent and form. In computer-speak, it’s the “bug in the system” of the brain.
First, a little BRAIN SCIENCE!
We discussed automated decisions and messages in our brains in the pre-challenge (if you missed it, you can see it here: SYBF pre-challenge). As we discussed, negative self-talk hides in this automated system.
Negative self-talk manifests in several ways, sometimes called the “inner critic.” Sometimes, it is an internal dialog about how you don’t measure up and your flaws—you can probably quote this version. At other times, it is more of a looming figure or presence. It can be a feeling in the pit of your stomach, an ache in your shoulders and neck area, or tension headaches, to name a few ways it manifests in your body. A few other ways it can show up is through “flying off the handle” or catastrophizing minor issues; focusing on flaws regardless of the overall good of the action, experience, or outcomes; and “woulda, coulda, shoulda” thinking, meaning ruminating on things you should have done or done differently.
Negative self-talk can cause the onset of or increase serious health disorders, such as many mental health diseases and symptoms, such as depression, anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and physical health issues such as heart disease, autoimmune disorders, and obesity. This is because when under ongoing stress and distress, the body releases cortisol in elevated amounts that the brain and body can handle. When our brains talk bad about us, we damage all parts of our bodies, including the brain.
Beyond the medical, negative self-talk is one of the most significant limitations in our lives. It prevents us from facing challenges that we can not only handle but will also provide us with opportunities in the future.
Another outcome is that it often undermines our core values, thus reinforcing the negative talk when we don’t live up to our values. By being here with us in the challenge, one of your core values likely is to help others, especially your family, friends, and fellow community members. The reality is that when we hold ourselves back by listening to and believing in our negative self-talk, we unintentionally undermine the full impact we could have.
Now, on to the good news!
The outcomes follow suit if we do a mental 180° and engage in positive self-talk. Research shows that people who intentionally use positive self-talk have higher success rates in many facets of their lives, including how they perceive their happiness and overall life satisfaction.
Research on the inner voice of the top internationally competitive athletes says it all. Studies on elite athletes show that the intentional use of positive self-talk separates them from those with the same overall physical advantages. These top athletes do not earn the right to feel good about themselves because they are winners; they are winners because they actively engage in positive self-talk. Otherwise, they would quit after just a few defeats and never get to their earned wins.
Let’s use tennis as a way to make this concrete. The top 20 elite singles tennis players of any gender have a 60% to 70% win rate. That means they lose 3 or 4 out of every ten matches. Much of the time, tennis players experience what most of us consider our biggest fear: loss or temporary failure. But they go out and do it again. To go out there and compete again with their full strength, they need strong brains to support the physical work of their bodies. Elite athletes know they must reframe and reform their thoughts if they are going to get to their future wins.
Some of you are worried about coming across as arrogant. I get it; as children, we were taught to be humble. I promise, if that’s your worry, then it’s essentially guaranteed your humility and impact will only be enhanced by thinking positively. In studies where people were to give impressions of unknown people, those who hold a realistic positive self-image are more likely to be identified as appearing friendlier and more caring than those with a more negative view of themselves. Yes, our bodies speak our brain’s thoughts louder than our voices.
TIME FOR ACTION!
Hopefully, you have heard enough to convince you to try this thing for five minutes a day, five days this week. And if you’re not convinced, maybe you’ll try it out just to prove me wrong. Great! However, you enter matters not to me; you get a ⭐ just for trying!
BRAIN BOOSTING EXERCISES
Below are a few ideas for activities that can help you begin to identify, engage, and tame your “inner critic.” I have organized them into categories to help you quickly and easily pick one. Don’t overthink it. We’re not looking for the most comfortable or perfect fit here. We are looking to start by doing something that might positively impact us. Remember, you are committing to something for just 5 minutes a day over five days this week. It’s that simple!
The point is not perfection; the point is to try.
Activities
Pick one of the activities from the list below. Be sure to populate your calendar with the days and times you’ll do these so you don’t forget. While you only need to spend 5 minutes, block out 15 so you don’t run short on time.
Reflecting on the Inner Critic
Spend at least 5 minutes near the end of the day (at the end of the traditional work day or later in the evening before bed) reflecting on your experiences with your inner critic. You can journal, meditate, or have a conversation with yourself. This is a time for non-judgemental reflection; you can’t change what you don’t know. Don’t let your inner critic weigh in on this topic; this is no place for them! As you reflect for at least 5 minutes (set a timer and stay on task!), here are some questions you may consider:
When did your negative self-talk show up?
What did it say?
How did you engage it? If you pushed it aside, what was that like? If you asked it questions, what did you learn from that?
How much did you notice this voice, and what was it like?
What do you hope for tomorrow when you will reencounter this voice?
Facts Win the Day
When your negative voice shows up, become a detective and seek out all the facts and evidence you can that the voice is correct. Also, note and find all the evidence to counteract it. Refrain from disregarding any proof based on how big or small it is. Detectives collect all evidence, not just the ones they want to be the case or are “bigger” than others. Look at the facts objectively and use that to reset your opinion of yourself. If you’re having trouble accepting the facts, ask yourself how one of your biggest admirers (mom, dad, best friend, spouse, etc.) would see it.
Reframe the Narrative
Imagine you told your biggest cheerleader (parent, partner/spouse, BFF, kid, etc.) about your negative self-talk. What positive things would they tell you about yourself on this same subject?
Identify an affirmation that works for you. When negative self-talk starts, focus on the affirmation until it quiets down.
Can’t quite get to the positive talk yet? Try just moving a little bit from negative to neutral. Example: “I always do things wrong” to “Sometimes I do things wrong, sometimes I do them right.”
The 15-minute Monster Tamer
Set your phone alarm to go off three times a day: around noon, at the end of your workday, and before bed. When your alarm goes off, ask yourself the following questions. Take notes in a journal to help you notice patterns.
What judgments did I make about myself?
What circumstances were associated with these judgments?
What pattern(s) of judgment(s) am I beginning to notice?
What action(s) will I take from what I observed in myself?
What will I be like when I have more positive self-talk? What will I notice in myself? What will others notice about me?
Now pick your activity, schedule your daily practice in your calendar, and give yourself a pat on the back for believing in yourself.
Until next time,
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